Therapy + Yoga = Ugh…

As I am writing this, it is exactly one month before my wedding day. Approaching this day has been kinda scary to be honest with you. Since my moms passing I have been feeling alone. I don’t mean to be disrespectful to everyone who has been there for me during this difficult time, I really do appreciate all of you, it’s just not the same. She was who I went to, the one who actually gave a shit about anything I had to say. I told her everything and she told me everything. I didn’t realize how well I knew her until I had to give all of her information to the cremation society and the lawyer and the tax lady… 

Chas, as you all may know from my previous blog,  has been extremely supportive through my time of grief. The day after my panic attack he found a therapist that I could speak to if I wanted. Seeing a therapist wasn’t how I thought I would ever handle my problems. I figured all she would do was dig up more pain, uncork that bottle stuffed way down inside and drown me with an agonizing reality. Didn’t sound too pleasant. After speaking with my friend and aunt, I realized that she could possibly help me. 

15110320_10154357983612886_7914008224467249386_ophoto by Jeremey Lockett

I finally asked Chas for her number and called her on Thursday. She had me in her schedule for Saturday morning.  My friend recommended her as well the day before which made me feel better about going. I can’t do this on my own and not only can’t I, but I shouldn’t have to. It hurts me to share my pain with friends, coworkers and family. I feel like a burden and that it’s all about me. I look at it as using my resources. I don’t want to be that girl who lost her mom and that’s all she ever talks about. It sucks. It realllly sucks. 

Ugh, it was hard. It was so hard for me to wrap my head around all of this. It’s not that I had to share my feelings with a stranger, that doesn’t bother me. Letting it all out. That, is what’s scary. Ugh is the only word I can express to you how I am feeling. There’s a pit in my stomach. Before I went to the therapist, I decided to make a yoga class. The yoga class  I attended was called Anusara, which is what I am currently studying taught by Annie, the owner of The Yoga Tonic. It is based on the philosophy that life is a gift in which we are invited to remember and celebrate in our yoga practice. It is based on flow and alignment. I didn’t want to miss it. The thing with yoga is that it opens up my locked box of vulnerability. I was using alcohol as the key, still do sometimes, but this seems like a healthier option. Chas has cut back on drinking too. He’s such a good influence on me. It’s funny how someone else’s actions can impact you in such a positive way. I feel that he subconsciously saw how alcohol was negatively effecting me and this is his way of being supportive. 

photos by Faith Delay

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My Try at Pie

Well, well, well… I’m feelin’ a lil’ sassy today. A bit triumphant I guess after successfully (with much help) making a peach and cherry pie! Not only did I look up ten or so recipes on Pinterest, get advice from bakers and old ladies all week, but my friend Nicole stopped by yesterday morning to help me prep, design, bake and clean up! She’s a sweetheart, bless her. It was a lot of fun even though the cleanup was horrendous! She brought over a little (whole bottle) champagne to get us motivated. 

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Beginners Guide to Feng Shui

Friends, I can’t wait to share with you on how I have made my house into a home! It’s a little thing called Feng Shui, which stands for wind-water. It is a ancient Chinese principle creating a balanced and harmonious living space. This is decided by the layout and direction of your home and rooms. It also follows the elements: earth, water, fire, metal, and wood. By following these simple rules from room to room, you too can live in a positive and happy home! 

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60-something’s The NEW 20-something!

Happy days, oh happy days. That’s how I’m trying to see it anyways. I think it’s safe to say that I am not the only human who struggles with finding happiness, and I’m a happy friggin’ person. I have troubles for sure and today I wanted to share with you all how I cope.

1.) Yesterday, I was at work and dreading it. I literally went into the restroom, splashed cold water onto my face and smiled in the mirror for a solid minute and forty-five seconds. Variations of raising my eyebrows, winking, exposing my neck slightly and showing myself strong and crazy smiles. To my surprise, it worked! That non-crazy smile stuck right to my face as I walked into my workday. If you are  not comfortable being a maniac in the workplace feel free to place a pencil along your smile and bite. This will do the same thing, I believe they call this muscle memory. I feel that when others around you see a smile it redirects their emotions and reflects yours. A good day for everybody!  Continue reading “60-something’s The NEW 20-something!”

Bubble Bride

Poppin’ bottles can basically sum up my weekend. I can’t even estimate how many bottles of champagne and red wine we went through. This Saturday was my bridal shower! Yee! Hosted by my wonderful aunties. My beautiful maid of honor and bridesmaid were there too, clinking mimosas by my side. I was surrounded by a dozen of my lovely friends and supportive family members. I can’t express how much love was flowing through my heart this weekend.

My uncles and cousins stopped by after the festivities to be social with all us gals and to be fed the leftover hors d’oeuvres.

I was so nervous randomly the day of the shower. My hands were so shaky my liquid eyeliner went on all scribbley. For some reason I felt like I wasn’t worthy of this shower and that I wasn’t fancy enough for something so extravagant. Now, I believe I was simply scared of being in the spotlight. Being the center of attention is hard for me, I tend to just be and nothing more. I guess the wedding will give me a run for my money.

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Spark of Joy

Howdy ya’ll! This weekend I attended FIBArk. I have honestly been waiting for so so long to experience this white water festival. I’ve gone so far as to quit my second job to be able to have a fun filled summer. It began on Wednesday night and to say the least I’m crazy exhausted and all tapped out. Eddyline Brewery sponsored the event. I enjoyed their Grapefruit Yanker IPA most of the time and Vino Salida’s sangria’s, except on Saturday morning when I grabbed delicious sparkling Riesling mimosas.

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The Red Rocks

Hey everyone, happy Sunday! I started this weekend off with a bang! Put on my new yellow romper and blindingly white tennies and drove three hours to The Red Rocks Amphitheater in Morrison, CO. Wow, was it beautiful. Unfortunately, I was not allowed to bring in my camera, although there are a couple iPhone images on Facebook if you care to take a gander. I did however bring in my Polaroid camera and I decided to give all of the dancing friends around me a picture to remember their time there. It was a hit to say the least.

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